Week 1 Deceit Week 2 Assurance Week 3 Falsehood Week 4 Confidence Wk 5 Compromise
One who has this characteristic is not trustworthy. The very essence of the word means that a person who has this characteristic cannot be trusted. Someone who has this as a recognizable feature must be dealt with in a most cautious manner. All words and actions of a deceitful individual are suspect. Interactions must be done with the utmost care.
Do you really know the meaning of deceit? Webster’s says it is “The act of representing as true what is known to be false; a dishonest action or trick; a fraud or lie. It is also the quality of being deceitful. What does that mean? It is the underlying characteristic of those who cheat, are imposters who impose misrepresentation and are skilled at perpetuating the “snow job.”
When deceit is the underlying motive, we see signs of constant turmoil and confusion. This brings to mind the present political arena. This is the year when we elect a new president or re-elect a sitting president. We have seen over the past four years, a constant cloud of turmoil in the economic climate. That cloud is worldwide, not just in our nation. Chaos, confusion, turmoil, disorder, and disarray are common symptoms of human deceitful action in today’s world.
The impact of deceit in its many forms is what keeps our present day political and financial systems in turmoil. Greed for power, influence and money are several big reasons why deceit has such an impact upon events in our world of today. Greed drives the motivation to use deceit in daily actions. Greed and deceit are what drives people to invent a hoax or carryout fraudulent actions. Many times these actions are preceded by exaggerated pretense. If it seems too good to be true, it normally will be an exaggeration.
To illustrate how deceit impacts relationship, I will use an illustration. On Feb 3, 2005, Maureen Dowd wrote a commentary entitled “Inherit the Windbags.” She used the Creation Museum website for information to criticize President George W. Bush. The information she used was twisted out of context nor did she contact anyone at the museum to authenticate her commentary. Her NY Times article was printed but the rebuttal showing how she twisted the website information was never printed by the NY times. This action by the NY Times and the author was a deliberate act to deceive. They represented something as true which was false.
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Assurance is a positive word that helps us to feel confidence and trust. It can also portray to others self-confidence, poise, boldness and sometimes insolence. It can also border on rudeness. Those with assurance help us to feel supported and it also gives insurance that we can have faith in the actions of those we trust.
Let’s look at the definition of assurance. It is the act or state of being assured; a sureness; confidence; or certainty. It can be something said or done to inspire confidence as a promise or positive statement. It is also a belief in one’s own abilities. If overdone, it can become impudent forwardness or presumption. Use it with care.
Do you need to build confidence that you will keep your promise? To do that, you need to make positive statements that reinforce your assurance to follow through. Failure to follow through on a promise does not inspire confidence in your ability to keep your word. Failure to pursue a goal or statement made in confidence is a symptom of negative assurance. Assurance means adhering to a purpose until it is completed. Let’s Do It!
One impact of assurance is that people will be more inclined to trust you. That is always a good thing. However, you do not want to be presumptive; that is you do not want to overstep the bounds of good taste and judgment. Assurance to the point of being brassy or rude is counterproductive. It will turn people off. You want the influence of assurance to be balanced and under control. That is what others are looking for.
One way to put the glue into a relationship is to inspire confidence with assurance. It is one of those actions that can draw others into a closer connection with you. Let’s use an example: “They lent us the money with the assurance that they would be repaid soon; to be free from doubt.” Here we see assurance as the bonding action in a transaction that helps reduce a doubt or insecurity that another might have. Try to think of ways you can build confidence with others. It can stabilize rocky relationships.
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Our word for this week deals with the concept of being untruthful. Being untruthful can occur in many ways. Any statement that we make that is nebulous or vague borders on being a falsehood. The idea is that statements made that lack a sound footing can give way to misunderstandings because meanings are not clearly defined. The foregoing can come by accidental actions and aimless intent. However, there are falsehoods that are intentional and directed at deception and the creation of false beliefs. Beware of those who intend deception.
False hood, as in hoodlum, is a good way to think of the definition for this word. A hood is used to cover an object as in eyes covered with something to keep one from seeing the truth. It is a deliberate statement to falsify or cause deception. It is a pretense, rumor or trick to distort or nullify the accuracy of truth. Bluntly, it is the telling of lies to cause false belief, ideas or false theories. It is a deliberate misstatement, fabrication or misrepresentation of the truth. Do you know someone who tells whoppers with a straight face? There are organizations today that teach people to lie with a straight face. They do not like truth!
Falsehood can be a symptom of someone who has a personality disorder. Those who consistently spout falsehoods and lies normally do so because telling the truth will bring a penalty or some kind of embarrassment. They use overstatement, fantasy or elaboration as a means of covering a fear (normally deep seated) which they do not want to face. They fear a confrontation with truth. Because of that fear, they will conceal or twist truth for it to be more mentally acceptable. Intense stress can also hasten or cause a person to postpone facing the truth and use a falsehood to explain their actions.
Falsehood breeds distrust. The impact upon the teller is that many people will avoid them. A person who misuses and abuses overstatement and fantasy is not reliable. They do not follow through with actions that are promised. Most of their actions are fantasy or excuses to avoid doing something promised or agreed to. Those who tell falsehoods normally wear a mask that hides their true feelings so they do not have to face the truth. Lies are not part of a solid frame of reference.
How can you build a good relationship that does not have a solid foundation of trust? Simply, you cannot. When the practice of falsehood use becomes a part of any relationship, it will begin to disintegrate. Credibility of the falsehood user becomes a highly visible issue. If the user does not know, or deliberately alters the truth, the anchor of truth is lost. There is no base that can be depended on. Without a solid base, the relationship is insecure at best and it will never have a firm footing. Falsehoods breed trouble.
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This week we are going to “chew” on the word confidence. Is to have confidence a good thing or bad? A few days ago, we learned about assurance. How does it relate to confidence and how is it different? In a sense, confidence is less robust that assurance in that it implies a certain type of poise in one’s ability to perform. It implies a secure feeling in and about one’s actions. Confidence is required for one to act decisively. It is part of success.
The dictionary has seven definitions for confidence. A firmness of belief or trust; feeling certain; belief in one’s own abilities; part of a relationship; holding of a secret; or the object of trust such as the Bible. Each of the foregoing are ways that we understand what confidence means. However, we are most likely to use it in the sense of firmness of belief or trust in our own abilities. Our true confidence should be in the One who never fails: God’s Word.
For confidence, we will look more at traits that are associated with it rather than its symptoms. Faith and conviction are two good traits that we see in this word. Aplomb or poise and sometimes fearlessness are traits that come from one’s self-confidence. Other traits that we sometimes see from confidence are sureness, tenacity and perhaps determination. Probably the best trait or symptom we see from confidence is one’s resolution to carry out an action that helps others. It builds trust which we examined in our second word of the week (WoW). Yes, trust is a – wow – word that we need to help build confidence.
What is the impact of this word in our life? Others should have confidence that you will properly handle a private matter or secret. Are you an anchor or protector of the confidence that others have in you? You must be reliable in how you respond to the assurance that others place in your actions. Your behavior and presence of mind should help to instill confidence. Good control of one’s feelings helps to create a confident presence of mind.
The glue in many relationships is the confidence that others have that you are someone to trust. If you have no confidence in yourself, how can others feel certain about what you will do in the relationship. Trust in you is a major factor in how you build solid, dependable links for a good relationship. Your self-confidence is reassuring to others.
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As humans, compromise is one of those words that is necessary to encourage us to work together. Absolutes are one thing that mankind does not follow or obey very well. Therefore, we must have some method to come to an agreement or working arrangement. Compromise allows us to find common ground for defined actions; a place of lower acceptable quality..
This is a word that mankind needs to use but God does not. With Him there is only The Word and with it comes strength and finality. Compromise is defined as a) exposure, as of one’s reputation, to danger, suspicion, or disrepute b) a weakening, as of one’s principles; also it is an adjustment of opposing principles by modifying some aspects of each and/or something midway between two other things in quality or effect. Compromise and absolutes do not mix.
The base nature of any human requires compromise. This action is both a blessing and a curse. With compromise, we can agree to do something a certain way and move forward. Without compromise, any two sides to an issue reach a point of deadlock. No action is taken because an agreeable position is lacking. Compromise allows an adjustment of opposing principles to a point of agreement and action. It is a symptom that compromise is needed, when action is at a standstill. Without it common goals are impossible to be obtained.
A friend wrote this response on Monday’s comment, “It is not possible to come to a compromise without having a discussion and dialogue.” His quote is from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The impact of this quote is (my friend tells me) that it is vital to our day to day living. As intelligent beings, we each have principles that we live by. However, those principles may not be the same for each person and a compromise may be necessary for us to move forward. We adjust to maintain harmony.
A thoughtful question for our “word” today; how do you compromise an intimate relationship? Simply put, you don’t. Intimate relationships are built upon trust. Compromise can be damaging to any relationship and especially to intimate ones. Compromise is a concept that must be used in many of life’s activities with caution and the utmost in skill; but it should never be used for those that are closest to you. Agree to disagree, but let that be as close as you come to compromise in most relationships. Think “win-win” if possible.
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